Is it still February?

How can the shortest month feel like the longest?  How can it POSSIBLY STILL be February?And why do they have to give us an extra day in February of all months in leap years?  How about an extra July day? And why isn't February 29th a holiday?  Shouldn't this be a day off work??

 How can we have sooo much winter left after all this winter we've already had?  I want out.  I'm tired of being cold and tense and indoors.  I want to be outside cutting my grass, planting my garden, laying on the beach, walking Cosmo... anything but watching TV, mindlessly staring at my computer, or sitting on the couch for hours on end without moving a single muscle.  Damn this winter.  Dammit.  

Do you want a car wash?

That was the best question I was asked today.   I am asked this question approximately every 9 days when I fill Civi with gas, but today the question made me laugh out loud.  

I went to bed last night prepared to wake up early to allow myself time to shovel and drive safely to work on slick, snow-covered roads.  I already knew of at least one coworker who did not plan to go to work today after hearing yesterday's forecasted blizzard and I'd heard of several others over the past week who were just waiting for this day to come so they too could have a day off.  I was fearful that few people would show up for work and being the hyper-responsible team player I am, there was never any doubt that I would go to work today. I actually wanted to go to work. There is a certain sense of community that occurs on snowy days like today that doesn't come on any old winter Wisconsin day and I wanted to be a part of that.

I arrived at work a few minutes early, my slippery commute only taking 10 minutes longer than usual.  As I walked down the hall to my office, I was surprised to see only one empty office.  I felt proud of those who braved the storm and even arrived early.  Our leadership team was appreciative, too, and demonstrated it with face-to-face "thank yous" and a pizza lunch.  The CEO of our parent organization also treated us to free lunch in our café.  Call me a Rebarchik, but I cashed in on both free meals, saving my café salad for dinner, since my pizza lunch was a bigger meal than I had planned to allow myself as I fasted in celebration of Ash Wednesday.

I correctly predicted the friendly sense of community at work today. A place that is usually tense and terse became a soft, kind, caring place.  It's amazing how a winter storm can cause people to take pause and focus on taking care of ourselves and each other.  All day long, people were checking in with each other regarding their safety driving to and from work.  By 3pm, there were five of us who had developed a type of support group as we brainstormed safety plans for each of us for the rest of the night.  I chose to stay a little late, hoping that would give the plows more time to do their work and I could catch the little hole in the storm so I wouldn't need to drive in white out conditions. As I hiked to my car through the foot of snow that covered our work parking lot, I passed a coworker who handed the work shovel to me so I could dig my car out as he went to thaw his frozen head indoors.  I was able to get Civi out relatively easily, but another coworker was not as lucky.  Watching two male egos banter over the best way to negotiate Katti's car our of the snowy parking lot made me chuckle.  My favorite image of the day was that of these two men pushing her car across the lot, Little Miss Sunshine style. 

I was surprised to hear how some folks had prepared for this storm...one colleague packed an overnight bag in case she got stuck at work (she decided to spend the night at a nearby hotel), another spent the night at a friend's house last night so she would be closer to work this morning to ensure she could come in. I decided these would be the kind of people who would do well in surviving hurricanes of the South and wildfires of the West.  I don't know that I would do that well...I think I'm too lazy. 

Ever since I became an honorary New Orleanian a year and a half ago, I have been trying to wrap my mind around what it must have been like to live through Hurricane Katrina.  I have heard story after story, and tried my damnedest to truly and deeply empathize with storm victims.  Although I think I've been successful at offering sincere care and concern, I have never really felt able to truly put myself in a survivor's shoes.  Today was the worst winter day I can remember in my adult life.  It snowed and blowed all day, the plows could not keep up, and the city ran out of salt. But despite everyone's anxiety and fear about battling the wintery roads, we all made it to and from work safely (well those of us who went), had access to friends and family, had lots of options for warm, safe shelter, had plenty of food (free food) on hand, and knew within a day or so, conditions would be nearly back to normal.  I don't think there is anything that could happen here that would even give us a hint of what it is like to live through a major natural disaster. 

Upon my return home from Florida last week, I decided I hated Wisconsin and started fantasizing about a way out.  After today, I've had a change of heart.  I do not hate Wisconsin, not even on the worst of winter days like today. I am grateful for winter days like these that bond people closer together.  I am grateful for my coworkers that came to work today so the workload could be shared, grateful for the hot lunch I shared with my peers, grateful for the slow, careful drivers that shared the interstate with me during my drive home, grateful for the tracks their cars were making so my car had a path to follow and keep moving forward, and grateful for my brother-in-law who fed my dog and let him go potty on his way home from work so I didn't have to be plagued with worry and guilt trying to hurry home to care for him.  

I recently heard about some interesting research which showed that contrary to popular belief that living in a warm, sunny place would make everything better, research shows that the happiest people on earth live in some of the coldest places in the world (Denmark, Switzerland, Austria).  Shocking! I suppose it's because we have to figuratively and literally huddle together to stay warm and closeness feels good and brings happiness? And I'm certain the Alps help the Swiss stay happy. 

My answer is yes. I do want a car wash.

Is it my job or my computer giving me ADD?

I am flying to Jacksonville tomorrow for a business trip.  I haven't packed yet.  I've been anxious all day about not being prepared for this trip.  So rather than prepare, I'm procrastinating.  I started folding laundry, washing dishes, loading music onto my computer (most of which is making ITunes non-responsive which is frustrating me), visiting Facebook and other blogs, talking on the phone, wondering if McCain or Romney is winning Florida and trying to figure out how delegates are determined, thinking about the party I am hosting on Saturday and everything I'd like to get ready for that...all the while feeling anxious about not being packed or prepared for my trip and thinking how much better I would feel if I would just pack and prepare.  

So what is my problem?  What keeps me from "just doing it?"  This was one of my New Year's resolutions after all.  I mostly blame my job (well its probably an additive effect of genetics plus my job).  I spend 8+ hours a day multi-tasking... in any given moment you will find me reading and writing emails, reviewing client and supervisory records, organizing papers on my desk, updating my calendar, talking on the phone, and communicating with the coworker at my door using non-verbals all at the same time! And this seems to be the only way to get everything done.  Is this what jobs demand nowadays?  If I took one task at at time I don't think I'd ever get to leave work and I would probably get fired for my lack of "responsiveness." 

It has become nearly impossible for me to focus my attention on one task at a time from start to finish without doing a dozen other things in between.  I think computers also add to my inattentiveness.  I am constantly overwhelmed by the possibilities of these little machines.  What websites should I visit?  Should I job hunt or take silly movie challenges on Facebook?  Should I organize my music library or maybe my photos?  Should I learn what all those extra icons are for?  Should I actually back up my computer onto that external drive I bought 2 months ago?  

I went to the gym after work, thinking that would help me burn off some anxiety and help me focus.  I biked 12 miles in 33 minutes.  (Really?  Well that's what the bike told me, but that just doesn't seem right.  I thought it took me more like 45 minutes to bike 12 miles. I wasn't going THAT fast...anyway). It didn't work.  Still anxious. 

I have lost my ability to focus and am continually overwhelmed by indecision over all the possible ways to spend my time that time somehow finds a way to just pass me by and I can hardly explain what I've been doing.  

So as I sit here wasting more time, a stack of CDs on one side and a pile of work on the other, I wonder when I will finish packing.  Will it even be tonight?  Or will I put it off until 8:30am tomorrow, since after all, I don't need to leave for the airport until 9:15...

Tri-fit

A few months ago I was talking to a girlfriend of mine who is married, 33 years old, and never ever ever wanted children.  But her sister had a baby about a year ago and something about holding that little girl made her hormones do flips and somersaults and triple toe loops.  My friend has decided maybe, just maybe, she would like to have a baby. After all, she will be awfully lonely one day when her parents pass. She got to talking about how hard she works to stay in shape and one reason to not have a baby was to maintain her never-pregnant female body.  Then she realized, "What is my body really doing for me, anyway?" I'm glad she's decided a pregnant body and post-pregnant body wouldn't really be so bad, and she got me thinking... what is my body doing for me and what am I doing for my body?

I know many mothers who look great after having kids.  In fact, some of them drop below their pre-pregnancy weight with little effort other than breast feeding and look even better than pre-pregnancy because they have great bodies AND a motherly glow! I've always expected that my hips and butt will get huge with pregnancy then never quite be the same, but it was a risk I was and am willing to take.  After all, what does my body really do for me? 

Now that I find myself 30-something and unpregnified, I've decided rather than pouting about it, this year I will make the best use of my body possible.  I hope to pregnify it one day, but until then, why not enjoy and use what God gave me.  I've always been active, but I recently joined a gym and I've been going most days.  I broke a new 5K record today, 29 minutes 45 seconds.  For those of you who run, you're probably saying "Uh, that broke a record?"  Well it was my record, and I broke it, and I'm proud.  I actually cut 30 seconds off of my Tuesday time so I think I am on my way to smashing way beyond my meager running goals in no time at all.  

I have a friend who is urging me to do a triathalon with her this year. For both of us, it would be our first. 

Running...check.  

Biking...check.  

Swimming....brrr, ick, water in my nose, panic in the water, I can't see!, fatigue, shortness of breath, brrrr, goose bumps, swimming lessons when I was just a little chid barely making it into the pool and spending most of the class shivering and never ever putting my face in the water, collapsing with fatigue after a 10 minute high school swim in gym class, funny smells, falling off the end of the "train" with my sisters into the deep end of a hotel pool, panic!, falling into the Black River and being nearly swept away by the rapid current (thanks Kristin and Joey), I can't see!, its too cold! Blech.  

So here is my challenge: Learn to swim.  Just get over it.  

Which resolutions can I apply here? Breathe more deeply.  Engage.  Worry less/stop complicating things.  Why couldn't I be a tri-athlete?  Why couldn't I learn to swim?  Why couldn't I get my body into the best shape its ever been in?  Why not work out, eat well, look good, feel good?  What else do I have to do, anyway?  

New Year's has always been one of my favorite holidays. Although New Year's Eve celebrations have been hit or miss, (mostly hits) I love it anyway. I love the symbolism in the change of the calendar year; a logical time to reflect on the year's accomplishments and disappointments, successes and failures, lessons learned and lessons yet to be learned.  And a chance to start anew. It excites and energizes me. Though there certainly were some good times, I was ready to put 2007 to rest, much as I was 2006, and I am certain 2008 will bring many new friends, experiences, and wisdom.  

My 2008 resolutions, or Rebolutions as I am calling them this year, in no particular order:

1. Be still.  (I just added this one today upon receiving my I Ching reading.)

2. Run.  (No, this does not contradict number 1. And I am intentionally being non-specific.  I'd like to run competitively, but the goal is just to run, in general, as much as I can, and as fast as I can.)

3. Be on time.  Even early sometimes. Stop telling myself a few minutes late is still on time. 

4. Engage.  Fully.  In the moment. Pay attention. Be alert. 

5. Read more.   More everything!

6. Breathe more deeply. 

7. Be decisive/worry less/stop complicating things.  Order more quickly. Procrastinate less, especially at work. Okay, and and home. 

8. OHIO  - Keep papers organized and filed/recycled/shredded at home. 

9.  Be greener.  

10. Leave a light on.  (As long as it is an energy star compact fluorescent light). 

Happy New Year everyone!  May 2008 be full of love, laughter, and learning.