So what is my problem? What keeps me from "just doing it?" This was one of my New Year's resolutions after all. I mostly blame my job (well its probably an additive effect of genetics plus my job). I spend 8+ hours a day multi-tasking... in any given moment you will find me reading and writing emails, reviewing client and supervisory records, organizing papers on my desk, updating my calendar, talking on the phone, and communicating with the coworker at my door using non-verbals all at the same time! And this seems to be the only way to get everything done. Is this what jobs demand nowadays? If I took one task at at time I don't think I'd ever get to leave work and I would probably get fired for my lack of "responsiveness."
It has become nearly impossible for me to focus my attention on one task at a time from start to finish without doing a dozen other things in between. I think computers also add to my inattentiveness. I am constantly overwhelmed by the possibilities of these little machines. What websites should I visit? Should I job hunt or take silly movie challenges on Facebook? Should I organize my music library or maybe my photos? Should I learn what all those extra icons are for? Should I actually back up my computer onto that external drive I bought 2 months ago?
I went to the gym after work, thinking that would help me burn off some anxiety and help me focus. I biked 12 miles in 33 minutes. (Really? Well that's what the bike told me, but that just doesn't seem right. I thought it took me more like 45 minutes to bike 12 miles. I wasn't going THAT fast...anyway). It didn't work. Still anxious.
I have lost my ability to focus and am continually overwhelmed by indecision over all the possible ways to spend my time that time somehow finds a way to just pass me by and I can hardly explain what I've been doing.
So as I sit here wasting more time, a stack of CDs on one side and a pile of work on the other, I wonder when I will finish packing. Will it even be tonight? Or will I put it off until 8:30am tomorrow, since after all, I don't need to leave for the airport until 9:15...
1 comment:
I think it's genetics 110%!!!! Mike gets SOOOO upset when he comes home at the end of his 10 hour day and I've managed to only do the dishes and maybe a load of laundry...not to mention check blogs, email, facebook--oh yeah, and that little thing we have...QUINN!! Just feeding, changing and bathing her takes about 3-4 hours in the 10 hours he's gone. I like to add time to play with her and cuddle..so we're talking close to half that time is spent on her! I need time to myself too!!! And the treadmill only helps so much. HOWEVER, I think it's mostly genetics. :)
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