Is it my job or my computer giving me ADD?

I am flying to Jacksonville tomorrow for a business trip.  I haven't packed yet.  I've been anxious all day about not being prepared for this trip.  So rather than prepare, I'm procrastinating.  I started folding laundry, washing dishes, loading music onto my computer (most of which is making ITunes non-responsive which is frustrating me), visiting Facebook and other blogs, talking on the phone, wondering if McCain or Romney is winning Florida and trying to figure out how delegates are determined, thinking about the party I am hosting on Saturday and everything I'd like to get ready for that...all the while feeling anxious about not being packed or prepared for my trip and thinking how much better I would feel if I would just pack and prepare.  

So what is my problem?  What keeps me from "just doing it?"  This was one of my New Year's resolutions after all.  I mostly blame my job (well its probably an additive effect of genetics plus my job).  I spend 8+ hours a day multi-tasking... in any given moment you will find me reading and writing emails, reviewing client and supervisory records, organizing papers on my desk, updating my calendar, talking on the phone, and communicating with the coworker at my door using non-verbals all at the same time! And this seems to be the only way to get everything done.  Is this what jobs demand nowadays?  If I took one task at at time I don't think I'd ever get to leave work and I would probably get fired for my lack of "responsiveness." 

It has become nearly impossible for me to focus my attention on one task at a time from start to finish without doing a dozen other things in between.  I think computers also add to my inattentiveness.  I am constantly overwhelmed by the possibilities of these little machines.  What websites should I visit?  Should I job hunt or take silly movie challenges on Facebook?  Should I organize my music library or maybe my photos?  Should I learn what all those extra icons are for?  Should I actually back up my computer onto that external drive I bought 2 months ago?  

I went to the gym after work, thinking that would help me burn off some anxiety and help me focus.  I biked 12 miles in 33 minutes.  (Really?  Well that's what the bike told me, but that just doesn't seem right.  I thought it took me more like 45 minutes to bike 12 miles. I wasn't going THAT fast...anyway). It didn't work.  Still anxious. 

I have lost my ability to focus and am continually overwhelmed by indecision over all the possible ways to spend my time that time somehow finds a way to just pass me by and I can hardly explain what I've been doing.  

So as I sit here wasting more time, a stack of CDs on one side and a pile of work on the other, I wonder when I will finish packing.  Will it even be tonight?  Or will I put it off until 8:30am tomorrow, since after all, I don't need to leave for the airport until 9:15...

Tri-fit

A few months ago I was talking to a girlfriend of mine who is married, 33 years old, and never ever ever wanted children.  But her sister had a baby about a year ago and something about holding that little girl made her hormones do flips and somersaults and triple toe loops.  My friend has decided maybe, just maybe, she would like to have a baby. After all, she will be awfully lonely one day when her parents pass. She got to talking about how hard she works to stay in shape and one reason to not have a baby was to maintain her never-pregnant female body.  Then she realized, "What is my body really doing for me, anyway?" I'm glad she's decided a pregnant body and post-pregnant body wouldn't really be so bad, and she got me thinking... what is my body doing for me and what am I doing for my body?

I know many mothers who look great after having kids.  In fact, some of them drop below their pre-pregnancy weight with little effort other than breast feeding and look even better than pre-pregnancy because they have great bodies AND a motherly glow! I've always expected that my hips and butt will get huge with pregnancy then never quite be the same, but it was a risk I was and am willing to take.  After all, what does my body really do for me? 

Now that I find myself 30-something and unpregnified, I've decided rather than pouting about it, this year I will make the best use of my body possible.  I hope to pregnify it one day, but until then, why not enjoy and use what God gave me.  I've always been active, but I recently joined a gym and I've been going most days.  I broke a new 5K record today, 29 minutes 45 seconds.  For those of you who run, you're probably saying "Uh, that broke a record?"  Well it was my record, and I broke it, and I'm proud.  I actually cut 30 seconds off of my Tuesday time so I think I am on my way to smashing way beyond my meager running goals in no time at all.  

I have a friend who is urging me to do a triathalon with her this year. For both of us, it would be our first. 

Running...check.  

Biking...check.  

Swimming....brrr, ick, water in my nose, panic in the water, I can't see!, fatigue, shortness of breath, brrrr, goose bumps, swimming lessons when I was just a little chid barely making it into the pool and spending most of the class shivering and never ever putting my face in the water, collapsing with fatigue after a 10 minute high school swim in gym class, funny smells, falling off the end of the "train" with my sisters into the deep end of a hotel pool, panic!, falling into the Black River and being nearly swept away by the rapid current (thanks Kristin and Joey), I can't see!, its too cold! Blech.  

So here is my challenge: Learn to swim.  Just get over it.  

Which resolutions can I apply here? Breathe more deeply.  Engage.  Worry less/stop complicating things.  Why couldn't I be a tri-athlete?  Why couldn't I learn to swim?  Why couldn't I get my body into the best shape its ever been in?  Why not work out, eat well, look good, feel good?  What else do I have to do, anyway?  

New Year's has always been one of my favorite holidays. Although New Year's Eve celebrations have been hit or miss, (mostly hits) I love it anyway. I love the symbolism in the change of the calendar year; a logical time to reflect on the year's accomplishments and disappointments, successes and failures, lessons learned and lessons yet to be learned.  And a chance to start anew. It excites and energizes me. Though there certainly were some good times, I was ready to put 2007 to rest, much as I was 2006, and I am certain 2008 will bring many new friends, experiences, and wisdom.  

My 2008 resolutions, or Rebolutions as I am calling them this year, in no particular order:

1. Be still.  (I just added this one today upon receiving my I Ching reading.)

2. Run.  (No, this does not contradict number 1. And I am intentionally being non-specific.  I'd like to run competitively, but the goal is just to run, in general, as much as I can, and as fast as I can.)

3. Be on time.  Even early sometimes. Stop telling myself a few minutes late is still on time. 

4. Engage.  Fully.  In the moment. Pay attention. Be alert. 

5. Read more.   More everything!

6. Breathe more deeply. 

7. Be decisive/worry less/stop complicating things.  Order more quickly. Procrastinate less, especially at work. Okay, and and home. 

8. OHIO  - Keep papers organized and filed/recycled/shredded at home. 

9.  Be greener.  

10. Leave a light on.  (As long as it is an energy star compact fluorescent light). 

Happy New Year everyone!  May 2008 be full of love, laughter, and learning.